I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
