so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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