and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
