This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
