she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
