I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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