The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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