hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize