I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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