New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
