Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i came on her dog
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
