It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
