So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
