I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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