One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
