He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
