My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
