BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
