Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
