But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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