covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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