I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
