This girl is more easily done than said...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize