Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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