So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
