im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize