You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
