pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
