I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was born a porn star she said
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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