Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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