is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
