My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
