your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
