Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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