yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
