I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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