I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
