2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
