How'd it feel making her break her religion?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
