why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
