I want to have your abortion
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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