i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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