I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
