You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
