bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
