Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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