Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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