So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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