the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
