matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
