I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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