You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
