i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
