In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
