Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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