trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
