I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Found the puke drawer
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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