you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
be right there i have to get my cape
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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