If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
