FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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