My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize