I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Semen is not good for contacts.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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