You work out of a Hotel?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize