I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
