He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
