curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
