Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
