I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
