Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
