Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize