My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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