grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
