on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
