I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize