I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
