I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
When did angry sex become our thing?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize