i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
